Love Hexagons
by honkugly
Summary: True love comes at a price. The Baudelaires have returned. The teens live near each other. It sounds like a perfect love story. But mysteries of V.F.D. still surrond the Baudelaires. Rated PG: Violence and Love
1. Journal: Violet Baudelaire

Love Hexagons

**Chappy I: Violet Baudelaire**

Insane. The entire world is insane. No one understands anyone. No one ever will. There is so much hidden inside of one's self that it is impossible for one to see it all and understand it, let alone another. We call people brilliant who steal ideas or happen to come up with a fairly good one every once and a while. We call people stupid who have so much intelligence stored up in them that they could not possibly let it loose.

Insane. The entire world is insane. Or are we? Are we not? Am I insane? Are people who are assumed to be insane insane? Hmm? We don't know because we are such primitive beings. There are greater things out there. Things smarter than us that we do not know exists. Things unexplainable. How can I prove this? It's possible. If it's possible then it must be. A theoretical physicist said that. He hadn't created any inventions. He had thought. God, wouldn't that be a fine job? To think. All day long, all you do is think, think, think. Of course, there are mathematical equations involved, but that's a breeze.

Insane. This is insane!! Why the crap am I writing this? Why can't I just say what happened today like all the other normal people do! But I'm not normal. Dear God, I hate shallow people. I hate stupid people. I hate ignorant people. UH! They make me want to through a shoe at them. The ignorance of some people is so immense that-OH, I HATE IGNORANCE!

I'm insane. So insane. I must be dying. That would be a good thing. Fine good thing. Canada, that's a nice word. Think about it. Canada. Cool, huh? Arg, I'm talking to a piece of paper! I'm insane! Ok. I wanted to put this off. When Quigley (uh huh Quigley) gave me this little journal I wanted to save it for something cool. Something good.

They are triplets. The two look the same. Why can't I just pick one? Why, world, why?! But they aren't the same. They are different. Everyone's different. Everyone's insane.


	2. Journal: Duncan Quagmire

**Chapter II: Duncan Quagmire**

Uh! They won't stop it! Every time I try to do something they're there with their insults!

"Hey, Duncan, Is your last name Holes and your middle name Donuts?"

"Hey, can I come over to your place and get some Donuts? I know where you live, right in the gas station!"

I HAVE A HEART!

Which means I can love someone. I can love Violet Baudelaire. Since the millisecond I saw her I was in love. That's why I dragged Izzie over to the Baudelaires at Prufrock Prep that one day. I was in a trance from her beauty. (Violet's beauty, not Isadora's.) So I sat down to do a little chatting while she did some mouthing. (**A/N: My own little word for eating. You like?) **And then she had a baby sister. I have never been truly fond of babies. This one had fangs. Her name was Sunny. It makes me think of Violet and I walking into the sunset. Oh, yes, and her brother, Klaus. Klaus looked like a nerd. BINGO! That was the understatement of the century! (Besides the one about Carmelita Spats) Nerdy, nerd, nerd. Book-lover. Couldn't hate him really. Three reasons:

A: He was interested in reading and I was interested in writing

B: He was one of the few nice people in the hole darn school

C: He was Violet's brother (I mean come on)

But there's this problem. Uh, Quigley likes Violet. (I'll kill him!! No, I won't.) But we are the same in looks. I must prove I am better than him. I simply must.

As a journalist-in-training, I have not really experienced love like Isadora has through her poems. I write about true events happening in real life. She writes about emotions. She thinks I don't get it. I get it, Isadora. I get love now.


	3. Journal: Quigley Quagmire

**Chapter III: Quigley Quagmire**

Hello, ladies. I'm sorry, I'm taken. Well, I should be. I would have been dating Violet as soon as I met her on Brinny Beach that day. Oh, that day. Here, let me explain:

1. The Baudelaires had come back from their Cruise. They didn't call it a cruise. But, whatever. (They acted like they were enslaved on that Island. I mean, it was just Olaf. Well, they killed him. That had to be brutal.)

2. I had come with Fernald and Fiona from The Umbrella. (the new old V.F.D secret place who's location is secret) Fiona was so happy she would finally get to see Klaus again and she yapped about him the whole way here. It drove Fernald and I NUTS!! Stupid book-worm, get a life.

3. We had been given a message from a V.F.D. member that the Baudelaires were coming to Brinny Beach. (She had been watching the Baudelaires secretly during their stay on the island.)

4. My stupid siblings came with this Hector guy. Somehow Fiona found out where they were and called them. (Fiona's a technology freak. Weirdos.) They crashed in their balloon into a _real_ cruise ship which had happened to be attacked by Female Finish Pirates at the time. (WTF?) (**A/N: I had to put those pirates in, I just had to.) **They complained because they didn't call us a year ago when they crashed. I was like "I don't really care about you two because all I need is Violet and we'll be the richest couple on Earth because we're both so rich. Then Duncan and I got into it about Violet. We fought each other so valiantly it was probably a sight to see. But, alas, dear Duncan, had not been into as many tough and violent situations as I had so I ended up almost killing him. Isadora fell down to Duncan and Fiona slapped me but I didn't care. Because Quigley always comes first. Always…………………………….

Violet learned about the fight and kept a grudge to me for a long time. For about six months she wouldn't even talk to me. She was about to engage Duncan when I saved Sunny's life at Big Ben. (**A/N: More on this Big Ben story later.)** So she kind of left Duncan and liked me for a while. Now she seems that she can't decide between the two of us. If was her I would choose me. But I'm not her. She's her. And blah, blah, blah. Violet's mine Duncan, so back off.


	4. Journal: Fiona Widdershins

**Chapter IV: Fiona Widdershins**

Today I encountered an interesting book about fungi at B&N. I was with the Bookworm Club. (That's what Klaus, Isadora, and I call us.) I was in the science section looking at books when I heard a noise. It was laughing. Klaus and Isadora must have found a funny book. I headed over to the poetry section to see what was so funny. OMG! I can't write it down. Those two have been my best friends since the Baudelaires came to Brinny Beach at the end of their series of unfortunate events. I thought I knew them. I thought Isadora was a shy beautiful poetry nerd and Klaus was a research nerd and I-

Wait.

Who I am I?

I'm Fiona Widdershins.

How do I feel about the love of one man?

What do I care about the love of one man when I am adored by millions?!!!

(Huh? Millions?)

That CD about a drowsy chaperone that Klaus played today must have really gotten into my head. Well, back to the story. I don't know what I thought I was but that really doesn't matter at this point. I turn into the poetry aisle and Klaus and Isadora are kissing and holding each other in the middle of the aisle in public. I try to slip away but Isadora notices me.

"Oh, Fiona!" she looks surprised, as if she forgot I existed. Klaus turned around and the look on his face said it all. He fainted. In the middle of Barnes & Noble he fainted. Gosh, Klaus you really ought to stop that. Isadora looked me in the eye.

"You were saying…"

I hadn't said anything but I went with the flow.

"I was saying 'What was so funny?'" I said, "I heard laughing so I came to look at a funny poem and then I find-"

"Fiona," said Isadora, "Uh, Klaus is sort of…."

"Yours?" I asked "He told me he had feelings for me. If I knew he had already fallen in love with some…" I had run out of insults. Olaf had always told me that if you run out of insults then just say something. I had run out of insults but didn't want to just say something. This girl was sort of my best friend, besides Klaus. I was crying and Isadora was watching me cry. Oh, no! She was smiling. I wiped my tears and walked away. That isn't like Isadora. What's going on?

I went home to Fernald, who was actually reading for once. It was _Moby Dick_. There was probably a lot of violence in that book. I've never read it. I haven't read many classic novels at all. I read _Peter Pan _in fourth grade and had nightmares because the story was so bland! Oh, look at the happy little boy bring the happy children to happy Neverland and fight not-so-happy pirates on the _Jolly Roger_. I was also mad because the author kept making John look bad. He was my favorite character and the only sensible person in the entire story, which brings me back to the point. I like nerdy people. Not really nerdy people just sort-of nerdy people, and I can't explain it because I can't explain it, and this is probably a run-on sentence. Speaking of wonderful, jolly tales, this is a little story I made up:

_Once upon a time there was a girl named Fiona and she wasn't very pretty. Once upon a time there was a girl named Isadora and she was very, very pretty. They both liked a fellow named Prince Klaus. Prince Klaus was hated throughout the kingdom for a crime he supposedly committed. Both girls met him and Prince Klaus had to choose one or die. Prince Klaus thought the maidens were both so wonderful that he couldn't decide and committed suicide like person with a heart would do. Both girls attended the funeral and then never spoke to each other the rest of their lives. THE END_

I know it's very dreary but I hope that's what would happen if Klaus was in that situation. I hope he wouldn't just flee to Isadora. I'm crying again. As you can see, I really, really like this guy. Maybe I can get help on this situation. Maybe I can stop Isadora in her tracks. There's only one girl I know who will help me.

And her brother's the handsome prince.


	5. Journal: Isadora Quagmire

**Chapter V: Isadora Quagmire**

_If I was on a mountain and a diamond,_

_Klaus would save me by hiking and climbin'_

Blah! That's one of the worst poems I've ever written. I think it's because I'm over-doing that one inspiration I have for my poetry. Klaus. Yes, I loved him from the moment he first spoke to me.

"She didn't seem very nice."

Glorious words that flow through my ears like water flowing down a smooth river. There are so many words in the English language that I'm afraid I can't find one to describe Klaus. 'Glorious' keeps coming to my mind. But 'glorious' is not quite the word for a boy. It's really impossible to describe Klaus. He's indescribable.

One day Klaus, Fiona, and I went to Barnes & Noble. We do this quite frequently. Fiona went over to look for some new fungi books while Klaus and I stayed in the poetry isle. I was looking at some poets from many years ago while Klaus looked at a book of Shakespeare sonnets. We both happened to pull a book out at the same time and our other hands accidentally touched each other. We turned around and said sorry at the same time. Then we started laughing. I even dropped my book because it was so funny. Klaus tripped on it and fell into me. Then we began laughing again. Fiona turned the corner and she looked surprised.

I said "Oh, Fiona." Klaus 'fainted'. He has this thing where he pretends he's son weak and faints and then gets to hear everyone's conversation. It's a sneaky thing to do and quite risky. What if the conversationalists realized he was breathing?

"You were saying…" I said. Oh, I hope she didn't think I meant that in a rude way. I think she did because she was sort of getting an attitude, something I have never seen her do. She was about to say something mean about me and Klaus and I really didn't want that to happen. I need a reason to interrupt her. Oh, I'll tell her Klaus can hear her. Oh, please let me talk Fiona. Don't say anything mean or I might have to-

"Uh, Fiona," I said, "Klaus is sort of…" What's the word? I was getting really worried. I mean faking. Yes, faking! Oh, no. Fiona had begun ranting and raving again. She wouldn't understand. I couldn't just yell out. I wasn't that kind of person. I couldn't just yell at someone, especially someone that was two years older than me. She was crying now. I tried to comfort her but she ran away.

Fiona left the store and drove home. Thank goodness I recently got my driver's license and could drive Klaus home.

We live in three old mansions that an old man said we could have for free. He said a big family use to live in the three mansions. They all died except him. The old man gave us the houses for one thousand dollars each. (I find that to be and extremely low price for any house.) The Baudelaires lived in the first one. I dropped Klaus off there. The Quagmires lived in the second one. I parked my car in that garage and went in that house. The Widdershins lived in the last house. We still live their. All that happened yesterday and it seemed like it happened twenty years ago. I decided I must talk to Fiona and make her feel okay. She thinks Klaus has already chosen me probably. That's not true. I don't know who Klaus loves more. It's his decision and if he loves Fiona I accept that. What can I do about it if I'm just a quiet girl who writes poetry?


	6. Journal: Klaus Baudelaire

**Chapter VI: Klaus Baudelaire**

I really don't know why I pretend to faint. It's really a bad habit. It must be eliminated from my mind. It is quite fascinating to listen to everyone's conversations. I obtain much information from it. But it must be halted.

Anyway, in this notebook I have previously chronicled my life since I met Quigley Quagmire and was given this notebook on the freezing slopes of Mount Fraught. Now, as I reach the last few ruled pages in this journal I simply must decide a girl of whom I must marry. It really is insane that I must make this decision when I am fifteen years old. But it must be decided. I can't believe I am performing this act of cruelty toward women but I am deciding the pros and cons of each girl. (Oh, I feel so inhumane.)

Isadora Quagmire

Pros: Intelligent, beautiful, kind, and even rich (though that doesn't count when you try to figure out who you have the most affection for)

Cons: She isn't eighteen yet (I didn't have anything else)

Fiona Widdershins

Pros: Pretty, clever, understanding

Cons: Aggressive, could betray me again, her brother almost killed me

It's still a tough decision. I wouldn't even have to make this decision if it wasn't for that wretched day at Barnes & Noble. Yesterday, Isadora and I accidentally fell into each other and we both thought that the other person was trying to hug us. We laughed when we realized that wasn't true. Fiona came around the corner and freaked out because she thought we were kissing. I pretended to faint because I didn't know what to say. Isadora drove me home after Fiona bulged out of the bookstore in frustration. I knew something was up and that I had to decide or Fiona would probably get even more enraged. So that leaves me where I am, trying to decide which girl I should engage. Whatever I do the girl that I don't choose will get mad and if I choose neither of the two marvelous females they both will get extremely enraged and hold a grudge against me for an extremely lengthy period of time.

I need help. I simply cannot make a life-changing decision in a day without some assistance. This assistance must be gained from a reliable person. This reliable person must be someone who will trust me as well and keep a secret. This person must understand the decision I am making. I will go to see this person immediately.

Their sister is one of the lovely maidens.

**Author's notes: So far this story has been made in journal/ first person form. From here on out the story will not be in journal form and will be third person. A lot of interesting action is coming along with some amazing secrets. I'm sorry this was such a short chapter. Please review and enjoy. **


	7. Unexpected Guests

**Chapter VII: Unexpected Guests**

Violet Baudelaire walked down the shining gold stairs to the kitchen. She wanted a snack. Klaus had recently left to visit one of the other mansions and Violet was left alone with Beatrice and Sunny. Klaus was beginning to get very odd about the girlfriend thing. Violet had simply no idea what had happened at Barnes & Noble yesterday. She didn't think it was anything good. Klaus was hanging out in his room for extended periods of time thinking about Fiona and Isadora. Violet couldn't complain. She had been thinking about Quigley and Duncan for a long time now. She knew she would have to decide soon. Just not today. _Ding-dong-ding-dong! Ding-dong-ding-dong! _

Violet hoped it wasn't the police as she opened the door into Fiona's face.

"Gosh!" said Fiona , " I just come over here for some food and.."

"I'm sorry," said Violet, "I thought you might be the police."

"Just kidding," said Fiona , "I don't mean to barge in on you like this but can I ask some questions."

"Sure," answered Violet, "I'll get some tea ready. Go and sit in the sitting room."

"What else would I do in the sitting room?" joked Fiona. Fiona sat down in the yellow-tinted room and sighed. How would she ask Violet about Klaus? How could she explain what she thought? Was Violet the right person to go to? So many questions, so little time. Violet came in with the tea and gave a cup to Fiona. Fiona added two lumps of sugar for good luck. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Violet ran off to get it as Fiona waited. Fiona was beginning to compose what she would say to Violet as Violet walked in, followed by Isadora.

"Oh, let me get another cup," said Violet as she left the room. Isadora sat down facing Fiona. She pretended to look at the décor as Fiona sipped tea.

"Remember when he use to quote famous poets all the time?" Isadora asked. Fiona thought this was quite random so responded with the same randomness.

"Fernald's almost finished reading_ Moby Dick_," Fiona answered, " I think he likes the violent part of it."

"You're avoiding the question, Fiona," Isadora replied, "And I don't want to talk about Fernald. I want to talk about Klaus." Fiona cringed. She thought something was wrong with Isadora. Where was Violet? It doesn't take this long to find a cup. Isadora was usually a kind and understanding person. It must be what had happened at B&N yesterday.

"Look, let me explained," explained Isadora "Klaus and I accidentally bumped into each other. I dropped my book and Klaus tripped on it. He accidentally fell into me..."

"Accidentally!" shouted Fiona, "You dropped that book so he would fall into you and hug you. You then were planning to do something so that he would kiss you. You sneaky girl, I don't know what's wrong with you. I've been really mad for a while now. A whole day wasted on thinking about you two living happily ever after. Our friendship has ended, Isadora, and Klaus is mine!" Fiona pulled a knife from her skirt and held it to Isadora's throat. Isadora screamed and Violet ran in the sitting room to through a V.F.D pipe she had gotten from Quigley at Fiona's head. Fiona was temporarily knocked out so Isadora ran. Fiona jumped up and threw the knife at Isadora escaping the room down the hallway. Fiona suddenly realized what she had done and ran over to the body lying in the hallway. She was going to cry before she realized that the body that lay before her was not Isadora's, but Klaus'.


	8. Friends and Enemies

**Chapter VIII: Friends and Enemies**

Duncan and Quigley Quagmire were playing poker for no prize in the living room when the doorbell rang. The last person they expected to see was Klaus. But Klaus was there, anyway. If the world was always things we expected then the entire world would be boring. Klaus was expecting to see Quigley look surprised as he opened the door. Klaus expected Isadora to be home. But, as we know, Isadora was getting ready to go to the Baudelaire mansion.

"You want to play?" asked Quigley as he led Klaus into the sitting room.

"Sure," answered Klaus. The Quagmire has expected Klaus to deny this offer and Klaus had expected the Quagmire boys to be surprised again. They were. At this point you are probably quite bored, so I will not include the unimportant details of the poker game in which the boys were engaged in. Suddenly, Klaus spoke.

"How's Isadora?" Klaus asked.

"Fine," Quigley replied, "Why are you asking?" It's quite a stupid thing to ask why one is asking about someone when you already know why.

"Just because," Klaus replied. It's also quite a stupid thing to reply "Just because" to a question when you know the interrogator already knows the answer and knows you know it and just wants to be a pain in the behind asking you questions of little meaning.

"Alright," Duncan said, "Isadora left a little after Klaus came to go see Violet about Klaus. Klaus, you're hear to ask us about Isadora. It'd s big love triangle we've all been trying to avoid for some unknown reason. I think we should settle it all right now."

"Oh, but it's not a _triangle_," Klaus commented smiling at Duncan and Quigley.

Geometry is a skill all of us must know, even if it is a bit tedious. One of the basics of geometry is knowing how many sides a figure has and what that figure would be called. Some of these names make since and some of these names were probably thought up by a math genius who woke up one day with a peculiar word in his head. All three boys knew the basics of geometry quite well. They had just forgotten three sides of their triangle. If Klaus, Isadora, and Fiona are considered a love triangle in this story then Violet, Duncan, and Quigley must make up three more sides. If you know basic addition, then you must conclude that this adds to six sides. A six sided figure is called a hexagon.

"You're right," said Quigley, "It's a love _hexagon_." The doorbell rang. Of all the people in this world, it was Fernald. Fernald sat down and began playing poker again.

"How's Fiona?" asked Quigley, eyeing Klaus.

"Oh, she went to talk to Violet," replied Fernald.

If you have ever been in a place where two people who are very fond of you are together then you know how Klaus felt. He thought the worst that would happen would be that they both got really mad and one of them left. But you and I know it was much worse then that. When Klaus opened the front door he heard screaming. He ran down the hallway to the sitting room as he saw Isadora running away. Klaus turned around and the last thing he saw was a flying knife before everything went black.


	9. Fiona's Attempt

**Author's Notes: I have a confession to make. I hate Quigley. If you have a problem then you have a problem. I try to not to put it out in the stories. This is just so you know. This chapter isn't anti-Quigley or anything I just thought you might want to know. I don't know why I hate Quigley I just hate Quigley. Duncan and Klaus rock! **

**Chapter IX: The Ninth Chapter**

A cat has nine lives. Or so it seems. Cats are simply elite. This is why people use to think they had numerous lives. Humans do not have numerous lives unfortunately. When a human dies they are dead. This is a hard thing to accept but the Baudelaires had learned to accept it very well since they had experienced many deaths. I won't list them all.

"Klaus!" Fiona screamed, "KLAUS!" Fiona fell on her knees and began bawling. She had experienced two deaths. Both her parents had died, which was sad. One of them was killed by a manatee. Fiona wasn't as well acquainted with deaths as the Baudelaires were.

"Oh, my god!" Violet gasped "Klaus! KLAUS!" It really is no good repeatedly yelling a dead person's name and expecting them to respond. Violet had seen her parents, her relatives, and people she didn't care about die. But she couldn't believe Klaus was dying. She simply couldn't.

"What's going on?" questioned Isadora Quagmire as she stepped out from her hiding place in a room down the hallway, "Oh! No! NOOOOOOOO!" Isadora didn't scream Klaus' name but simply said no, like she was dreaming, or Violet and Fiona were playing a cruel trick on her. But neither was true.

Duncan had run out of chips and lost the game. He thought about and decided to go over to the new Baudelaire mansion and see what Klaus was doing. It had to be more interesting then the boring poker game. As we know, it was extremely interesting.

Fiona was enraged at herself.

"I knew this time would come soon," Fiona said.

"No!" screamed Isadora, "Fiona, don't do it!" Isadora ran to Fiona to stop her. But Fiona was older and taller so she threw Isadora down quickly.

"Arg!" screamed Violet for no apparent reason and charged at Fiona to stop her.

"Wait!" said Isadora. They all stopped.

"Klaus wouldn't want us acting like this," Isadora explained "Fiona, don't kill yourself. Violet, don't charge at Fiona like that." The front door opened. Violet had forgot to lock it after Isadora entered. Footsteps echoed through the great halls and suddenly made a turn. The person walked down the hallway the girls were in and looked at the body laying in the middle of the floor.

At this point Duncan Quagmire used a word inappropriate for this novel.


	10. Proof

**Chapter X: Proof**

Fiona ran up to a room upstairs. This was a disgrace. She had killed Klaus. How silly of her? How insane of her? What could she do it with? How could she end herself?

"Fiona," said Violet, "If you weren't here Klaus would have died a long time ago. We all would have died if you hadn't known so much about mushrooms. And Klaus was flattered after you gave him that kiss. That was kind. I think you won the race, but you don't have to take my word for it. That drawer contains the referee." Violet pointed to a drawer in the dresser sitting in the room then left to take care of Klaus.

Fiona stared at the dresser a long time. What did she mean? Suddenly, Fiona couldn't hold her curiosity back any longer and dived into the drawer throwing back papers and books. Something caught her eye though. Fiona pulled out the silver locket with the initials BW on it. What did that stand for? She had a flash of hope that Klaus had this made so it would mean Baudelaire/ Widdershins. That was quite unlikely though. Usually letters on a locket were someone's initials. This surely couldn't be the proof Violet spoke of. Fiona tried to open the locket. It wouldn't budge. The locket was quite fat.

Fiona dug further into the drawer. At the very bottom lay a leather bound book with Klaus' full name on it. _Klaus Lemony Baudelaire_. Fiona, suddenly confused again, wondered why they would make Klaus' middle name Lemony. Probably some dead guy that worked for V.F.D. Fiona opened the book and took a look inside. It had pictures of Klaus and his family when he was young and a bunch of writing about nothing. Fiona noticed an entry dated two years and a half ago that said his parents died. Then she flipped to the last pages.

_Fiona Widdershins betrayed us all but lefta mark on me I shall never forget. She gave me something that I still can feel today, something that I cannot explain._

Fiona thought it seemed redundant and that he meant the kiss. At the last page there were Pros and Cons of her and Isadora. Fiona laughed. Only Klaus………….

She saw a name scrawled on the bottom, as if it was in a hurry. Two words. 16 letters. The name was followed by an entire sentence which greatly softened Fiona's heart.

_Fiona Widdershins is the one I love._


	11. The Mysterious Man

**Chapter XI: The Death of Klaus Lemony Baudelaire**

Fiona sighed. She knew it. She had known it all along. It must be true. It was in Klaus' scratchy handwriting and in his own journal. But it was no use now. Klaus was dead. Fiona fled down the stairs to Violet and Duncan, who were screaming at each other for some reason.

"How do you expect me to feel?!" questioned Violet, "My brother is dead and you come in here yelling out swear words for no reason! I've had it with you Quigley!"

"Duncan," said Duncan.

"Duncan!" said Violet.

"Guys, please stop fighting," complained Fiona, "We need to figure out what we will do with this body before it begins to decompose."

"What a lovely thought," commented Duncan sarcastically.

Isadora was in the sitting room crying her eyes out. How could this happen? It's not true. She must be dreaming! She decided to write a poem. The odd thing was that the poem didn't turn out like a couplet as she meant it too.

_Cruel, the death of a loved one is,_

_How it clenches the heart of the one whose friend it was_

_The one to die, the one to leave, the one who is mystery_

Isadora had no idea why she put that the dead person was mysterious. He was dead. That's about it. As Isadora cried her pen fell from her grasp and onto the floor.

"You're the one who killed him," cried Violet, "You should go to jail!"

"No," said Fiona, "Klaus loved me and I had proof." A scream was heard from the sitting room.

"That's not true!" shouted Isadora, "That's impossible! Remember the bookstore?"

"You forced him on you!"

"You screamed your head off and let everyone no! And I did not force him on me! He did that!"

"He didn't even do anything, Isadora! He fainted when you tried!"

"That was because he couldn't stand the ugliness of you!"

"He couldn't stand the shyness of you!"

"YOU KILLED HIM!"

That about shut Fiona up for the rest of the night. While Duncan and Violet quietly talked over about Klaus, Isadora wrote poetry and Fiona read about deadly fungi. That was when Quigley and Fernald walked in. They were utterly surprised to see Klaus dead and Quigley, Duncan being his triplet, said a word inappropriate for this novel. Fernald checked on Fiona and Duncan checked on Isadora to make sure neither of them had committed suicide. Then everyone met in the dining room to settle the matter once and for all.

"Fiona did it and that is quite evident," claimed Violet, "Would you like to see the knife? Would you like to see Fiona? Would you like to see the toilet, for Klaus' sake?!"

"Excuse me, but did you mention something about a knife?" asked an unfamiliar voice. Everyone turned in their seats to face the doorway.

"Oh, I don't think it was a knife that killed Klaus Baudelaire," said the old man.

"How do you know our names?" asked Violet.

"It's because I've been searching for you a very long time and finally found you," said the old man.

"So giving us theses houses for almost nothing was a trap?" questioned Fiona.

"It was a trap set by a good person," said the old man.

"If you know so much about us," said Fiona, "Then what was Klaus' middle name?"

"Klaus middle name was my first name," the man said as he stripped off his old man disguise, "Lemony."


	12. The Surprising Surprises

**Author's Notes: This is the penultimate chapter so let's see what happens. I'm writing this as I go.**

**Chapter XII: The Surprising Surprises**

"Oh, yes," said Lemony, "You might have heard of me in an indirect way. You see, I am the…"

"Youngest Snicket child," said Duncan Quagmire, "I read about you. How'd you find us?"

"Oh, I did a little research," said Lemony, "And I wrote a few books in the process."

"Well, why is Klaus named after you?" asked Fiona.

"The Baudelaire parents thought it was a fine name," Lemony explained, "And Beatrice insisted that they incorporate my name into one of their children." Lemony began to get tears in his eyes.

"Well," said Violet, "If Klaus wasn't killed by a knife, which he clearly was, what was he killed by?"

"You see," said Lemony, recovering from his despair, "I was afraid we would reach this little disagreement."

"I see no disagreement," said Violet.

"Well, I do," Lemony said, "It's our opinions about Miss Widdershins that might keep you from believing the truth. You see, Miss Baudelaire, I have a knife in my hands. It is the knife that you thought killed Klaus Baudelaire. But Klaus is on the floor for the simple reason that he was poisoned." Everyone one of the teens and Sunny gasped.

"Who did it?" asked Sunny.

"Would the person who did so please show themselves to us?" asked Lemony, "Well then-. Wait, Mr. Quagmire, I don't believe we're finished. The knife didn't even hit Klaus. Please, Mr. Quagmire, sit back down." Quigley ran as fast as he could out of the dining room.

"I think we have a little suspect here," said Duncan, blocking Quigley from the door.

"Quigley would never poison Klaus!" said Violet.

"Ha!" screamed Fiona, who had obviously picked up some laughing techniques from Olaf, "Quigley is the mean one! I did nothing wrong!"

"You didn't even realize the knife hadn't even hit Klaus," said Lemony, "Which I must admit, was quite dim-witted. Now, Mr. Quagmire, please stop fighting Mr. Quagmire."

"Why would you do that?" asked Duncan.

"Oh, I needed to do what needed to be done," said Quigley, "But dimwits, including Mr. Snicket, you're all wrong. What I put in Klaus' drink was sleeping powder. He couldn't have died."

"But why did you do it?" asked Duncan again.

"So I _did _kill Klaus," said Fiona, who began weeping and left the room. Isadora went to comfort her.

"Alright," said Quigley, "I really should have told you earlier. I was trying to be cool about it and it didn't work. While we played poker, I made Klaus a drink, Quagmire Lemonade Special, which is something Sunny helped me create. When I went to add the sugar I spotted something very peculiar. There was sleeping powder in the closet. I didn't put it there. None of us put it there. Lemony, the owner of the houses before us, put it there."

"I thought you may need it sometime," said Lemony.

"Smooth move, Snicket," said Sunny as everyone glared at her.

"I was in a hurry because I had to deal the cards so I quickly sprinkled what I thought was sugar in the glass. It was actually sleeping powder. I truly didn't know. So I thought Klaus would just seem a little bit drowsy for a while..."

"WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING!" screamed Fiona, who had apparently been listening from the other room, "Klaus is dead, not sleeping!"

"I don't think you're helping, Mr. Quagmire," said Lemony, "You may sit down. The knife didn't hit Klaus, and the potion didn't kill Klaus. Uh, Mrs. Baudelaire and Mr. Quagmire, could you please do that later. We have to figure this out. Who and what killed Klaus Baudelaire?"

"CLUE!" shouted Sunny, which meant 'This is just like the board game Clue.'

"There are eight suspects," said Lemony.

"You think a _two_-year old could kill a _fifteen_- year old?" asked Violet sarcastically.

"No," said Lemony, "I'm saying a fifteen-year old could commit suicide."

Fiona almost permanently damaged her vocal chords as a wail of despair ricocheted off the walls of the immense mansion.

"Nice one, Snicket," said Sunny as everyone glared at her again.

"Sunny," said Lemony, "Since you have so much to say, how do you prove your innocence?"

"You want details?" asked Sunny.

"Yes," said Lemony.

"Why would a five-year old kill her older brother?" asked Sunny, "_How _could a five-year old kill her older brother?"

"That doesn't prove your innocence," said Lemony.

"Alright, I did it," said Sunny, "Happy now?"

Everyone gasped. Not one person had expected Sunny to be the one to kill her brother.

"What did you do?"

"You're kidding, right?"

"I'm not surprised," said Quigley, "It doesn't take much to kill a wimp."

"STOP IT!" yelled Violet and shoved Quigley against a wall, "Just shut up and I won't hurt you."

"SHUT YOU"RE TRAP!" screamed Fiona. Duncan laughed.

"You're getting told off by a bunch of girls," said Duncan and cracked up. (Figuratively.) Quigley punched Duncan and threw Violet on the ground.

"Marry me!" said Quigley.

"Uh, Quigley," said Duncan, "I think you're the one who is supposed to be kneeling." Duncan was punched again by Quigley.

"Violence is not the answer, children," said Lemony.

"Marry me or I'll kill you!" screamed Quigley.

"I'd rather you kill me," said Fiona form the other room. Fiona and Isadora died laughing. (Figuratively.)

"SHUT UP!" screamed Quigley, "EVERYONE SHUT THE..."

"No one messes with my sister," said Klaus Baudelaire as he walked into the dining room.


	13. Fight & Fluff

**Author's Notes: Here it is, the end to it all. I dedicate this book to Lauren.**

**"Every story is a love story." _Aida_**

**Chapter XIII: Fight & Fluff**

"Oh, weally," said Quigley who began talking in a baby voice for some reason, "Does Klausy-wausy not like it when Wuigely woves his big…" Klaus punched Quigley in the stomach.

"Fight, fight, fight!" yelled Duncan form the kitchen, where he was getting some ice for the wound Quigley had inflicted on him, "Except, I am rooting for Klaus because I think Quigley has gone mad." Duncan laughed again.

"Shut up, Doughnut," shouted Quigley. Klaus kicked Quigley and it wasn't very pleasant.

"Klaus, Klaus!" shouted the Fiona and Isadora as they ran in the dining room.

"Violence is not the…" began Lemony.

"Oh, shut it, Snicket," said Quigley and as Klaus turned to look at the girls Quigley saw his chance and moved to punch Klaus in the stomach. Just then Violet got into her senses and grabbed Quigley's legs so that he hit his head on the table falling backwards. Violet scrambled under the table to avoid Quigley's wrath. At the other end she met the other girls and they stood in front of her to protect Violet from Quigley.

Quigley turned around and jumped onto the table over to the three girls. He was going to jump on Fiona when he stopped.

"Isadora," said Quigley, "You're a traitor. You loved it when I was alive and well and you saw me for the first time in months. But now…Oh, Violet. You loved me. On Mount Fraught…"

"I'm trying to forget that," said Violet, "What's wrong with you Quigley? Why do you keep talking? Are you afraid to fight a bunch of girls?"

"Ok, I'll leave this to you," said Lemony, "And if anyone gets hurt, don't blame me." Lemony left the room with a file in his hand.

"Wait," said Isadora, "What's that in your hand?"

"Nothing," said Lemony as he waited in the sitting room. Quigley turned to Klaus.

"If you touch him you're dead!" shouted Fiona.

"Really?" asked Quigley while smiling.

_Why's Quigley acting like this? He never has before. Something's wrong. But I can't let him touch Klaus. Oh, I feel so girlish, not that that's a bad thing. Is it? But I still feel shy…But Fiona's so sure. But I'm scared of Quigley. He's my brother. But I love Klaus. But, but, but. Who cares??????? I love Klaus so Quigley can't touch him._

"No, Quigley," said Isadora, "I won't let you touch him either."

_Quigley has something wrong with him. I'm so choosing Duncan now. That was a lot easier than I was making it. _

"Me either," said Violet.

_What's wrong with me? I'm going mad. This isn't impressing Violet so I better cease this peculiar acting immediately. But I can't. I hate Klaus but I don't know why. Why, world, why?_

"Then I still will," Quigley said, "Violet, I love you."

"I know," said Violet.

_No, that probably means she picked Quigley. Why would she do that?! I have to tell her how much I love her. Is that possible?_

"I love you, Violet," said Duncan.

"I love you too," said Violet and ran over and kissed him. Klaus, Isadora, and Fiona smiled. Quigley was enraged. Fernald looked surprised. Seeing his second chance, Quigley hurtled himself across the table toward Klaus. But this time _Fernald _saved Klaus and stuck his hook out so Quigley would trip. He tripped and fell face-flat on the table.

_Yes, Fernald. I always knew you were a good person. I'm so glad you could save Klaus. But we need to make sure they're both okay. The fight is over. Or is it? Klaus still has to choose. Oh, my heart is beating so fast…_

"I remember when I kept tripping at Lucky Smells Lumber mill," said Klaus, "It caused much pain. We should make sure Quigley is okay." So everyone got up to check on Quigley. He seemed to be fine. He wasn't mad at Klaus anymore. He got up and hugged Fiona. Fiona gasped and then seemed fine. It appeared she actually had feelings for Quigley too. She had simply never shown them.

_That leaves me and Isadora. I'm blushing. Well, I knew it. I always knew it. Isadora's walking towards me. What if she wants to say no? What will I do? Lemony has turned on a record. It's playing 'Shall We Dance?' _

_"Shall We Dance?" I ask._

_"Of course," Isadora says._

Lemony was surprised when all the new couples entered the living room. They all waltzed. It was touching to Lemony. Sunny and Beatrice came in to watch them dance too. They tried to dance as well.

_They are dancing. I am alone in the dining room. Finally, they have brought themselves together. Not in the way I had expected. Writing in Klaus' notebook helped, yes it did._

Fernald Widdershins sat in the dining room with tears of joy streaming from his eyes.


End file.
